Poison - Jacqui Rose

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE YOU SHOULD NEVER CROSS

In a life of crime, loyalty means everything – even if you don’t always see eye to eye. But when Vaughn Sadler speaks up to get Franny Doyle sent down, he’s broken every rule in the book to win checkmate.

AND OTHERS YOU SHOULDN’T UNDERESTIMATE…

Holed up in prison, Franny has more than one score to settle – but she’s starting with Vaughn. Because you don’t grass on your own, no matter what. And though she may be behind bars, she will get revenge – whatever the cost.

Before, there was just bad blood running through her veins. But now, there is poison…

Having read three other books by Jacqui Rose (Taken, Betrayed, and Fatal) I was excited to see another release by this great thriller writer. Poison centers on Franny Doyle but, as with Jacqui's other books, features recurring characters from previous stories.

Jacqui's books may be about tough gangland criminals but it's the women in the stories that are the featuring characters, the strong characters, the characters who get things done. Poison is no exception and is the story of Franny Doyle, set up and in prison for murder by someone who should know better. Poisoned by this betrayal Franny sets out to plot her release from prison and her revenge on the men who sent her there.

Poison is an absurdly addictive novel, one that is hard-hitting and, in places, incredibly hard to read. There are bent coppers, gangland criminals, teenage girls who are trying to escape sexual abuse and drug addiction at far too young an age - none of which make for pleasant reading half the time but lend a lot to the page-turning quality of not just Poison but all of Jacqui's books.

Poison can be read as a standalone novel but you may enjoy it more if you have previous knowledge of some of the characters, as events in previous books definitely contribute to what motivates them in this book. Poison is Jacqui's tenth book, the fourth book that I've read by her, and is just as addictive as the first one. I'm definitely going to go back and read the other books that I haven't and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for all of the characters, old and new.

Although I have very much enjoyed Poison - huge thanks to Avon for sending me a copy of the book, I have to end by saying that it won't be for everyone. There's mention of sexual abuse, drug use and addiction, and strong/graphic violence, but if you like hard-hitting thrillers with a dark edge to them, do try Jacqui's books. My recommendation would be to start with Taken if you can and then you can read the rest in any order you like.

Poison - Jacqui Rose

ISBN - 9780008366964

Publisher - Avon Books

Release Date - February 20th, 2020

Find - Goodreads | Book Depository | Kindle UK

Liar Liar - Mel Sharratt

When a young boy is thrown from a balcony in a block of flats, DS Grace Allendale witnesses the shocking aftermath of the tragic event. But despite everything, no one will admit to seeing who did it – and the parents will only tell the police that it was an accident.

Determined to bring the perpetrator to justice, Grace must sort the truth from the lies in a case that takes her into the darkest corners of the criminal world – and strikes closer to home than she could have ever imagined…

Liar Liar is the third installment in the DS Grace Allendale series, and after events in the previous two books, Grace is still working in the community rather than working with the Major Crimes Team. In fact, Grace is so much happier that she's asked to stay with the Community liaison team. Some of her former colleagues see this as a sidewards step in her career but if it means she's not exposed to the antics of her criminally active, estranged family - especially half-brothers Eddie & Leon, so much the better!

Liar Liar starts with quite possibly the most horrific accident you can think of, a young boy falls from a walkway one floor up and nobody is sure if the little boy will live or, even more horrible to contemplate, whether it really was an accident as the parents are both claiming. Harrison House is known to both Grace and her DC, Frankie Higgins, and the residents who live there are all claiming 'I saw nothing...' but is that because a certain person is putting pressure on them? It's up to Grace and Frankie to get to the bottom of things and find out who might want to hurt an innocent little boy, especially if that little boy dies.

Liar Liar (DS Grace Allendale #3) - Mel Sharratt

ISBN -

Publisher - Avon Books

Release date: Paperback - March 19th, 2020

                    : Kindle - February 10th, 2020

Find - Goodreads | Book Depository | Kindle UK

Perfect Kill - Helen Fields

He had never heard himself scream before. It was terrifying.

Alone, trapped in the darkness and with no way out, Bart Campbell knows that his chances of being found alive are slim.

Drugged and kidnapped, the realisation soon dawns that he’s been locked inside a shipping container far from his Edinburgh home. But what Bart doesn’t yet know is that he’s now heading for France where his unspeakable fate is already sealed…

DCI Ava Turner and DI Luc Callanach are working on separate cases that soon collide as it becomes clear that the men and women being shipped to France are being traded for women trafficked into Scotland.

With so many lives at stake, they face an impossible task – but there’s no option of failure when Bart and so many others will soon be dead…

Perfect Kill is the sixth installment in the Callanach & Turner series, and one that I was very much looking forward to. Luc Callanach, half-French & half-Scotland with model good looks and a tarnished reputation, and Ava Turner, Scottish to the bone, privately educated, and loyal to a fault, are the dream team in the Edinburgh police force. They work incredibly well together, and their strengths complement each other to the point where if you're a criminal in their neck of the woods? Look out because they will find you...

The dynamic this time around is different though. Luc is back in his beloved France working on secondment with Interpol, whilst Ava remains in Scotland, working on what seem to be very different cases. At the end of the last book their 'will they won't they' situation was still very much in play. It's obvious to all, including themselves, that there is something between them but whether there will ever be a time for them to act on it remains to be seen. Ava is trying hard to put emotional distance between them, even sleeping with someone else, but when hit by some very hard news about her oldest and closest friend, it's Luc she turns to.

Perfect Kill is quite possibly the perfect crime novel. Illegal organ harvesting, human trafficking, inhumane 'races', kidnap, and prostitution, all of these are written with minute detail, and Helen Field doesn't hold back with the quite often graphic descriptions of these crimes. The research into these storylines shows clearly in Ms. Field's writing, and this combined with knowing that these are all things happening in the world today is what makes Perfect Kill a compelling and addictive read. 

Perfect Kill may be the sixth book in the series, but it works well on its own, and you don't need to have read the other books in the series. However, if you don't start with Perfect Remains and work your way through the rest you are missing out on some great writing, wonderful character development, and one of the best investigative teams I've read for a long time! More Callanach & Turner please, Helen Fields!

                                              

Perfect Kill (Callanach & Turner #6) - Helen Fields

ISBN - 9780008275242

Publisher - Avon

Release Date - February 6th, 2020

Find - Goodreads | Book Depository | Kindle UK

When I Lost You - Merilyn Davies

When a young couple are the lead suspects for the murder of their only child, Crime Analyst Carla Brown and DS Nell Jackson are assigned to investigate.

The evidence seems conclusive, but something just doesn’t feel right.

The case is quickly cast into doubt when the lead forensic pathologist starts receiving threatening letters – containing details only the police should know.

Who’s sending them? What do they want? And how did they get hold of the information?

As Carla and Nell dig deeper, it soon becomes clear that this case isn’t the first of its kind.

They must stop at nothing to find the truth – even if it hits close to home.

When a novel's prologue ends with the words "I did not kill my baby!" you get an idea in your head about how the story is going to go. On reading the synopsis too, you think that the book is about the couple who have lost their child and in a way it is. It's also so much more! 

When I Lost You starts with DS Jackson and DC Mackintosh called to a flat in Oxford over a reported death of an infant. Nell Jackson is convinced that it's another Sudden Infant Death but on arrival Eve Graham, the pathologist tells them it's murder, and not only that but it was the mother who killed the little girl. Nell Jackson is back at work after being stabbed thanks to a crime analyst missing a vital detail so when she finds out the new DCI wants her to work closely with Crime Analyst Carla Brown, she can't help but be resentful.

Nothing about this case is as straightforward as it seems. There are letters being written to the pathologist, essentially calling her a liar and accusing her of ensuring innocent women have been convicted thanks to her testimony. Nell and Carla aren't entirely sure what to believe as they both know Eve but what if she is getting it wrong?

When I Lost You is part police procedural and part psychological thriller, told in two different timelines simply titled Then and Now. It's quite confusing at first, especially if you don't realize that's the case, but this is what makes the story such compulsive reading. Then is about two girls living in a care home and being groomed by a local cafe owner, Now is about three women who may or may not know more than they're saying. Carla is closely linked to Eve because of Eve's husband Gerry who was her first sergeant and is utterly determined that Eve would not have deliberately allowed innocent women to be sent to prison.

When I Lost You is a wonderfully addictive story, with a unique plotline, and twists and turns that you don't see coming. I will admit to trying to guess who certain people were quite early on in the book but it soon became evident that I was completely wrong. It does become obvious at one point, who the 'guilty party' is, but this doesn't take anything away from the story and it was fascinating seeing the different strands of the story coming together to an explosive ending.

When I Lost You is a gripping tale of loss, wrongful conviction, and abuse, which if not handled in the right way, could be distressing but Merilyn Davies has created a page-turner of a first novel in a wonderful location. Having gone to Oxford it was nice to see someone write about things other than the gleaming spires and students! I very much enjoyed the developing relationship between Nell and Carla and sincerely hope we get to see more of them in the future!

Huge thanks to Rachel and Arrow for a copy of the book in exchange for my honest opinion of the book. If you want to try When I Lost You by Merilyn Davies it's currently available for the princely sum of 99 pence on Kindle UK and can be found here.

When I Lost You - Merilyn Davies

Publisher - Cornerstone Digital/Arrow

Release date: Kindle/eBook - July 1st, Paperback - August 22nd, 2019

Find - Goodreads | Kindle UK

About The Author

Merilyn Davies is a former Crime Analyst with the Metropolitan Police who worked as part of the violent and hate crime unit for eight years. She was inspired to write about strong women working in the police force thanks to the incredible women she encountered on the force and was fascinated to explore the relationship between civilians working in the force and police officers, drawing on her own experiences being married to a serving MET officer.

She decided to set her debut thriller in her home city of Oxford, but the action all takes place away from the dreaming spires in parts tourists don’t stop at. She studied Sociology at university and is fascinated with the manner in which society leads people down criminal paths. She was a co-founder of the Chipping Norton Literary Festival and now works for Oxford City Council. Follow Merilyn on Twitter @nellbelleandme

A Good Girl's Guide To Murder - Holly Jackson

The case is closed. Five years ago, schoolgirl Andie Bell was murdered by Sal Singh. The police know he did it. Everyone in town knows he did it.

But having grown up in the same small town that was consumed by the murder, Pippa Fitz-Amobi isn't so sure. When she chooses the case as the topic for her final year project, she starts to uncover secrets that someone in town desperately wants to stay hidden. And if the real killer is still out there, how far will they go to keep Pip from the truth?

Oh. My. Goodness. Everybody knows how much I like my YA thrillers and I've read a lot of them over the past couple of years as they've gained in popularity but A Good Girl's Guide To Murder (GGG from here on out!) is one of the best. It's also a debut which makes its 'grab you by the throat and don't let go'-ness even more astounding! I've been incredibly lucky with my reading recently in that everything I've picked up has been good and I've read it in one go. GGG was no exception, I picked it up at about 9pm and finished it at 1.30am - that's how good it is! I literally could not put it down.

I was desperate to know who did it, was it really Salil 'Sal' Singh, the boyfriend? He confessed by text message shortly before killing himself so everyone has accepted that as the universal truth, if in doubt it's the boyfriend. Pippa Fitz-Amobi isn't convinced though so chooses this as her EPQ (Extended Project Qualification - equivalent to half an A Level) and sets about trying to discover what really happened to Andie Bell. Is it just me or does everyone immediately think of Erasure or Oasis when reading the name Andie Bell? Nope? Just me then...

Going against her advisor's warning not to contact the families involved Pip contacts Ravi Singh, Sal's younger brother, who is only too happy to help Pip with her investigation when he discovers that she thinks Sal might be innocent. Pip's best friend's sister was best friends with Sal so Pip feels invested in finding the truth if only to help Sal's family but there's definitely more to this case than meets the eye. Pip and Ravi are soon totally immersed in chasing down leads, interviewing people, and generally sticking their noses into places where they really shouldn't. Pip starts to receive threats by text message telling her to drop the investigation but of course, she's not going to. It's only when tragedy strikes that she stops what she's doing to try and keep her family and friends safe.

GGG is a rollercoaster of a thriller and I tell you now, there's no point trying to guess who did it if Sal didn't. There's misdirection on every page and you're never quite sure who's telling the truth and who's not. Pip starts to doubt everything and everybody, especially as her investigation starts leading her down a dangerous path. The story switches between third person and Pip's coursework documenting her finds. There are EPQ forms, maps, drawings, and interviews with people Pip thinks know the truth, all of which add to the page-turning power of GGG and make it an even more compulsive read. It has the perfect amount of moments that will make you gasp and at times you will want to yell at Pip for putting herself in danger, it will make you laugh out loud, and it will make you cry - well, it made me cry anyway...

If you're a fan of Serial, Veronica Mars and YA thrillers then A Good Girl's Guide to Murder is well worth investing your time in. My only doubt about it is, if GGG is this good as a debut then how on earth is Holly Jackson going to improve in her next novel?

A Good Girl's Guide To Murder - Holly Jackson

ISBN - 9781405293181

Publisher - Electric Monkey

Release date - May 2nd, 2019

Source - bought in bookshop

Find - Goodreads | Book Depository | Hive UK

Bold Lies - Rachel Lynch

An investigation leads Kelly back to her former command… and the ex who betrayed her

A brutal murder in the Lake District.

A double assassination in a secret lab in London’s west end.

Seemingly unconnected, unexpected links between the gruesome crimes emerge and it’s up to DI Kelly Porter to follow the trail – all the way to the capital.

Back amongst old colleagues and forced to work alongside her calculating ex, DCI Matt Carter, Kelly must untangle a web of deceit that stretches into the highest echelons of power. A place where secrets and lies are currency and no obstacle is insurmountable.

I have loved each and every Kelly Porter novel I've read and this means I had high expectations for book number five, Bold Lies. I wasn't the slightest bit let down! The action takes place both in the usual wonderful Lakes setting and we also head down south, to London, where Kelly's ex-partner is still working for the Met.

Three people have been murdered and another is missing, and when it's discovered that all four were colleagues working for the same pharmaceutical company in London it's time for Kelly to put aside of dislike of Matt (the ex) and try to work with him as part of a joint task force. This case though has dangerous implications for anyone connected, and that includes the police. There are government officials involved and an exclusive member's club, and you're never quite sure who to trust.

As with the previous novels and their wonderful descriptions of the Lakes where Kelly now lives and works, we also get to hear about London and her old life there, including DCI Matt Carter, who was the one that finally and unintentionally pushed her back to the Lakes to spend time with her mother, and to get to know her real father who's now semi-retired and living quite close by.

The things that make the Kelly Porter books for me are the perfect blend of professional and personal details included in every single story. It's fascinating getting to know more about the police officers investigating the crimes personally, making them more three-dimensional characters and making it easier to get hooked on what's happening. I would love to see Kelly and her team on the small screen as I think this series is crying out to be made into excellent television. Yet again I was completely pulled in by Rachel Lynch's wonderful writing and characters, it's exceptionally compulsive reading! The biggest plus point for me, having read all five books now, is getting to see how much Kelly has grown over them and how much more secure she now seems to be, both as a team leader and as a daughter/girlfriend. I only hope that this doesn't mean there are troubles ahead for her and boyfriend Johnny...

Bold Lies (Kelly Porter #5) - Rachel Lynch

Publisher - Canelo

Release date - May 27th, 2019

Find - Goodreads | Kindle UK | Google Books UK

Previous Books In The Series

Dark Game
Deep Fear
Dead End
Bitter Edge

About The Author

Rachel Lynch grew up in Cumbria and the lakes and fells are never far away from her. London pulled her away to teach History and marry an Army Officer, whom she followed around the globe for thirteen years. A change of career after children led to personal training and sports therapy, but writing was always the overwhelming force driving the future. The human capacity for compassion as well as its descent into the brutal and murky world of crime are fundamental to her work.

Find Rachel on Twitter

The Body In The Mist - Nick Louth

A brutal murder hints at a terrifying mystery, and this time it’s personal.

A body is found on a quiet lane in Exmoor, victim of a hit and run. He has no ID, no wallet, no phone, and – after being dragged along the road – no recognisable face.

Meanwhile, fresh from his last case, DCI Craig Gillard is unexpectedly called away to Devon on family business.

Gillard is soon embroiled when the car in question is traced to his aunt. As he delves deeper, a dark mystery reveals itself, haunted by family secrets, with repercussions Gillard could never have imagined.  

The past has never been deadlier.

Welcome to the third instalment of the DCI Gillard series by Nick Louth, and what an instalment it is! Gillard is now happily married to Sam, still puzzling over why such a beautiful woman would want a grizzly workaholic like him, when everything is threatened by one phone call. A deadly hit and run has taken place in Devon, the victim is unidentifiable but the car belongs to one of Gillard's aunts and he is summoned to Devon to sort out the whole sorry mess.

The story is told from two different sides, from Gillard's point of view as the one who's family is being investigated, and from DI Jan Talantire's as the official investigating officer determined to get to the bottom of the mystery. It's clear from the start that Gillard is highly uncomfortable being back in his aunts company, and the two women couldn't be more different. Trish is a former teacher, living in the house she shared with her ex-husband, Howie, who ran away to Thailand and Barbara, large in both stature and personality, running the family farm and struggling to make ends meet. Thrown in to complicate the situation further is Podge, or Uncle Phillip, a former reverend well known for his social injustice campaigning and now living in a nursing home, suffering from Alzheimer's and unable to walk.

It soon becomes clear that there is far more going on than what has already happened, and Gillard is dragged back into the nightmares of his childhood. Trying to deal with his abusive and abused aunts is more than he can bear but trying to distance himself is impossible and he's drawn back in almost against his will, bombarded with constant phone calls, having to drive back and forth to Devon, and discovering long buried family secrets, some of which are shocking even to Gillard as a serving police officer.

The Body In The Mist manages to be a well-written police procedural with multi-strand storylines converging together to make one of my favorite crime novels in a long time. Far from feeling spread out the various elements all weave together, forming a tight-knit tale which is impossible to put down, and impossible to predict who did it. Murders both old and new, a court case, and a sheep-killing beast are the main focus point of the book but it's the characters who balance out the story perfectly. Every single character, whether they're mentioned on every page or only appear once, is larger than life and not forgotten once you turn the last page. 

I'm exceedingly pleased that this is not my family but the person you have to feel sorry for throughout the entire novel is Sam, Gillard's wife. Deeply unsettled by his entire family, and especially the lecherous Podge, she starts to wonder just how well she knows her husband but stands by him and supports him through the whole case. I'm just not sure how supportive she'll continue to be given the twist in the tale, on the very last page, which will make you rethink and/or doubt everything you've just read. Brilliant! This series gets better with every book but you could also read this one without having read the first two as each is a separate story. I guarantee though, that you will want to go back to the beginning and read The Body In The Marsh anyway! Now starts the wait for book four...

The Body On The Shore - Nick Louth

A killer is at work in the supposedly-safe commuter belt.  DCI Gillard needs answers, fast...

Promising architect Peter Young is shot dead at his desk. DCI Craig Gillard is quickly on the scene, looking at what appears to be a brutal and highly professional hit: two bullets, fired with ice-cold calm.

Gillard knows that the most crucial question in solving the crime is one word: Why? Two weeks later, on the Lincolnshire coast, another body is found on a windswept beach. In this case, there is no identity for the young man, just a curious brand burned into his neck….

As the mystery deepens Gillard is plunged into a case without answers, finding himself up against dark forces, people who believe in only two things: blood and a warped code of honour. This time lives are on the line, children's lives - and his own.

Having loved Nick Louth's first DCI Gillard book, The Body In The Marsh, I was very much looking forward to book two in the series. The Body On The Shore arrived a year after Marsh, and it was worth the wait.

Gillard's life has changed and he's now happy and in a relationship with Sam, the PCSO he encountered in book one. His new case could be about to change all that though, as its not just the victims who may lose their lives. An architect has been murdered, and it looks like a professional hit. When they discover that the man was Albanian and came over from Kosovo as a teenager, the team are even more stumped. Gillard also gets a call from someone he's helped in the past, Sophie Lund, seemingly unconnected except for the that the woman's two children are adopted orphans from Albania.

When another body is found shot to death, on the Lincolnshire shore, bearing all the hallmarks of the architect's murder except for one thing - a strange brand burnt into his neck, Gillard and his team are becoming ever more desperate to find answers. What happens next though, nobody could have predicted... Sophie's children are kidnapped and the brand on the body turns out to be the mark of one of the most feared branches of the Albanian Mafia.

The Body On The Shore is definitely darker than anything I've read previously by Nick Louth. This book somehow seemed more real, and much grittier but I suspect that it was all the tiny details that painted a portrait of our killers, the (fictional) Albanian Mafia and their long history of blood feuds, wiping out entire families over the smallest of slights. As with all his books, I was completely engrossed from start to finish and unable to stop reading until I had turned the last page. There's no obvious culprit for the murders that take place, only a slightly uneasy feeling that they might not be who you're expecting it to be, and when the killer is finally revealed? Almost complete disbelief but also somehow not unexpected thanks to the background of the story. It's sad to think that in this day and age it is completely plausible that the killer is who it is and I admire Nick Louth for writing the story this way. It certainly amped up the tension and made for a great read into the wee, small hours!

Other Books In The Series

The Body In The Marsh
The Body In The Mist

Fallen Angel - Chris Brookmyre

To new nanny Amanda, the Temple family seem to have it all: the former actress; the famous professor; their three successful grown-up children. But like any family, beneath the smiles and hugs there lurks far darker emotions.

Sixteen years earlier, little Niamh Temple died while they were on holiday in Portugal. Now, as Amanda joins the family for a reunion at their seaside villa, she begins to suspect one of them might be hiding something terrible...

And suspicion is a dangerous thing.

I've been reading Mr. Brookmyre's books for longer than I can to admit to and I particularly like his Jack Parlabane series. I was understandably intrigued when I first heard about Fallen Angel as it didn't sound like a Brookmyre story and I have to say that I was hooked from page one, despite the fact that it touches on some rather disturbing themes.

From the very start of the novel, we know someone has died, but how is his death connected to the motley crew of characters assembled in Portugal? The story centres around Amanda, a Canadian girl, brought over by family friends to nanny for them, and their young son, Arron. No sooner has she arrived then they're off to Portugal for a family holiday. 

Having arrived at the villa Amanda discovers that the owners of the other two neighboring villas are none other than Max Temple, famous debunker, and his wife Celia, an actress who is most well known for starring in a dodgy science-fiction television series. Max has recently died and Celia has gathered the entire family together, for a celebration of Max's life, and this includes Sylvie, their youngest daughter, who has changed her name and is estranged from the rest of the family after the tragedy of losing her baby daughter at this very location. 

Things are tense from the get-go. Brookmyre certainly knows how to ratchet up the tension, and as anyone who has been on holiday with extended family knows, there's plenty of tension to start with. Amanda soon realizes that she has been dropped into the middle of an explosive situation and her naturally curious manner is not likely to win her any friends amongst the Temple clan.

News of another death rocks the villas and this is the trigger needed to start a rollercoaster of revelations to start tumbling out, which is not necessarily going to end well for all. Fallen Angel is a masterpiece in character writing, and as a thriller, it works so well. It's a refreshing change to read a thriller driven mostly by character rather than events, except for the original tragedy. The story is told in two strands, one from 2002 and one from the present, which I'm not always a fan of but in the case of Fallen Angel it's a plus point and only adds to the disquiet and increases the mounting pressure on all involved.

Combine toxic family relationships, tragedy, greed, vanity, strangely appealing unlikeable characters, and a sense of desperation into a gripping, page-turning mystery and the end result is Fallen Angel, one of the most original thrillers I've read in some time. I really hope Chris Brookmyre writes more like this because I loved it! Oh, and for fans of his Parlabane series, there's a wee cameo you might enjoy...

Blog Tour Extract: Your Guilty Secret - Rebecca Thornton

You know Lara King. 

The top billing of the showbiz pages, you've seen her every morning; over your breakfast, on your commute to work. You know everything about her; you've dissected her life. 

Her perfect relationship with film-star Matthew Raine. Her beautiful six-year-old daughter Ava. 

And so when a terrible incident shatters the family's carefully constructed facade, a media frenzy ensues. 

What happens when the perfect woman begins to unravel? When her whole life is really just a lie? One she will do anything she can to stop you from finding out?

This story is . . .

YOUR GUILTY SECRET. 

Your Guilty Secret - Rebecca Thornton

ISBN - 9781785760754

Publisher - Bonnier Zaffre

Find - Goodreads | Book Depository | Kindle UK |

Extract 

August 26th, 2018

1530hrs

What would you do if your child disappeared into thin air? I mean, what would you really do?

You might pound the pavements screaming their name, breath sour with fear. Air escapes you.

And when you get home, escorted by the police, you might fall into the arms of your husband or wife or a member of your family. Slamming your fists into their chests, your knees drop ping to the ground. Pleading. With who, you don't really know. And then with a renewed vigour and a sense of hope, you'd go out again. Back to where your child disappeared. You'd watch as the police knocked on surrounding doors and took witness notes and because you were there, in the action, you might feel you were doing something. Anything.

You might consider me for a minute when I tell you that my child has disappeared, yet despite the world's gaze on me, I have absolutely no control over where I look for her. I cannot open the front door to our home in The Hidden Hills. I cannot press the pattern of small, shiny gold buttons that remotely open the huge iron gates, with the hand-carved wooden sign on it. Los Palisades. I cannot use my thumbprint to access the extra security we had installed.

If I could, I might for a moment sweep my gaze across the lawns for any sign of her - my eye line darting in and around the uniformly cut grass, the luscious, rare rose blooms spilling down from the clean lines of our house - even though we were miles from where she disappeared. I'd still glance over to the pool - as I always did. A habit I'd been unable to relinquish from before she'd learned to swim. The clench of my stomach just until I reassured myself, two or three times over, that there was no small body, face down in the softly lapping turquoise water.

I would then race down our cobbled drive, lined with newly buffed cars. I'd curse the palm trees forcing me to weave my way around their silvery trunks. I'd ignore the burn of my lungs. The way my legs would barely be able to hold me up. I'd run, purely because I'd be incapable of driving. Or perhaps it would kick start my senses afresh. And I'd try and think back to where it had all started, my throat swollen with the catch of my breath.

I'd try and revisit that moment we'd left the house, water bottles under our arms. Me, in workout gear despite having no intention to exercise. Her in a navy sundress embroidered rabbits across the collar. Silver Superga trainers. Her face tilted up to mine, scrunched up against the sun.

“Treat day, she'd said. Can you believe it? Just you and me.'

I'd think about this as I tried to remember, left or right? Which way had I manoeuvred the car?

Had I thought about the paps as I normally did when we left the house? Had I planned my whole route along the back streets, where they might not be lurking, eyes scanning for my number plate? The way their lenses followed me, like snipers. Or had I just driven aimlessly, enjoying the day panning out ahead of us, with nothing to do. No one to see. Just me and my daughter. But I can't remember the ins and outs of my thoughts from this morning. If I had known what was going to happen, I'd have taken more care to engage with my inner monologue. To remember the way I'd felt a little impatient as Ava had kicked at the tyres of our car before she'd climbed into the back seat. The slight twist of her front tooth as it pushed its way through her gums. I'd have looked carefully at the way her body was formed. The soft roundness of her stomach. The fine, blonde hairs travel ling down her tanned arms.

But of course, I never thought that today would end up like this. I do, at other times. Think the worst. Catastrophise. But there was something so perfect about the way today had been panning out. Just me and her. A special treat. Ice cream. It was the first day in a long while I'd felt able to breathe.

That in itself should have been the first sign of things to come.

It was Detective Mcgraw who sat me down in the police station and told me that he was driving me straight home and that I had to stay indoors. Those green eyes of his, continuously locked onto one focal point a fraction above my right shoulder. White face, a fine tracing of freckles smudged across his top lip.

'I need to be out there though. Looking for her. She's my daughter. Please. There must be a way?'

'I know. And I'm sorry. We can't risk hampering the investigation. Thousands of people are out there, looking. And so we need you to stay inside your house.'

I knew he was right. That it was for the best. You see, I wanted you to be looking for her, without distraction. Surely I had learned by now – stay out of view in times of trouble. After all, a

wrongly placed smile, a casual lift of my eyebrow could set you off, and that's not what I need right now. I'm getting ahead of myself. I suppose I should tell you the things that happened less than six hours earlier. Just after we had pulled out of our drive, sun beating down through the windscreen.

I'll tell you as much as I can remember. The same details I told Detective Mcgraw in my oak-panelled study after he'd told me they'd taken my computer and mobile phone. We'd sat, me at my desk with my leather in-trays and stationery drawers all in straight lines in front of me. He was opposite me, in an ergonomic swivel chair that kept twisting from underneath him.

'I'd planned a special day out, I told him. "Just us. It's such... It was such a beautiful day, the words spill out my mouth.

'Any reason for the outing? An occasion, perhaps?'

'Yes. It was my way of saying thank you. For the way Ava behaved for the announcement. Did you see it?'

'I read about it.'

'She had been so good, I continued. 'So I told her that I'd take her out.'

And then what? We've pieced together as much as we can of your journey, mapping the CCTV footage. You hadn't pinned any of your locations on your public social media accounts. Any private ones we need to know about?'

'No.' ‘OK. If you could tell me what happened this morning, then?'

“At nine forty-five this morning we drove to Laurel Canyon. To go for a walk. On the way there, Ava grew tired. She lay down."